Psychotherapy is about storytelling, about roles that we assume, the veil between our truth and our invention. But for me, as a therapist, it is always a piece of theatre – a series of roles and characters that are played out.
In 1986, I was just coming up to 14 with no thoughts of such things. Until I found acting I had lived quite an isolated, secluded little life, but theatre suddenly gave me opportunities to try on different lives – a bit like Mr Benn, really. And I felt as if I could take on the world.
The drama department at my school was quite progressive and decided to put on Equus by Peter Shaffer, a deeply traumatic story about sexual fantasy. It is about the relationship between a psychiatrist, Dr Dysart, and a teenage boy, Alan Strang, and their wrestling over Alan’s dangerous passion for horses and for God, which have become entangled in a way that leads him to acts of appalling violence.
I was cast as Alan and it was pretty extreme. I remember rehearsing a scene in which he goes deeply into the beauty of the horses and the pleasure he derives from them. There was a kind of explosion, a firework display in my mind. I remember just breaking down and sobbing uncontrollably.
Dangerous passion … Peter Shaffer. Photograph: ITV/Rex/Shutterstock
