This is a photo of my parents right after their deaths, in Assen, the Netherlands, on 1 May 2024. My father Klaas Roemers was 90, my mother Fenny Roemers-Visser was 86.
They had a good life and a very happy marriage, but the last years were difficult. They were both sick and exhausted. Both had heart failure, my mother had a lot of pain. Both were in a really bad shape. They still lived in their own house but life was getting harder and harder, even with help. They did not want to go to a nursing home and neither wanted to live without the other – they wanted to step out of life together. They were afraid one would die naturally and the other would be left behind. They were very close, and did everything together, really everything – so it made sense they would leave this life together.
In the Netherlands, where assisted dying is legal, this is possible if you have a very good reason. My mother always said: ”We will stay with you as long as we can, until we can see no other way out.” Physicians have to be convinced that the patient is suffering unbearably and has no chance of recovery. My parents were independently evaluated by different doctors, and it was granted to both of them.
It’s a very long process but once the decision was made, it all happened very fast. They picked a date, and it was a week later – much sooner than I had thought. My father wanted to go out to dinner somewhere, and on the last evening before they would die, we were able to do that. My father was a very optimistic and worry-free person who would always laugh at our jokes, until the end. He was visibly enjoying his dinner that evening – that was good.
My parents were very involved with my work, and would come to my openings. This is an atypical portrait for me; I work on the boundary of documentary and art, photographing the changes in society. My current project Homo Mobilis is about the intricate relationship between humans and their vehicles – I examine how mobility shapes our identities and societies. My parents were very much looking forward to the exhibition and book of this project. Sadly they will never see it. The presentation is at the end of this year.
I had told them a few days before that I was thinking about making a portrait of them after they died, and that I might also bring it into the public space, and asked what they thought about it. They said immediately, yes, you should do it. I didn’t know at first what to do with it, as it is a very personal and private picture. This is the first time I have published it.
In the Netherlands we are very liberal when it comes to assisted dying but in countries where it doesn’t work like that, I thought a photograph like this could be helpful, to illustrate what it means and to contribute to the debate. When I show it to friends they usually respond that it’s beautiful. I understand that, but I don’t see any beauty in it at all. For me it means loss. But I understand that reaction – if it wasn’t my parents perhaps I would see it that way too.
This was a very sad event, but when people don’t want to live any more, I believe they should have the possibility to do this. My brother and I had the same feeling – we understood their decision and respected and accepted it. We did not try to stop them or delay it. From then on, we tried to make everything as comfortable as we could for them. I was with them as often as I could be, and importantly, I was able to say everything I wanted to say to them.
“Duo euthanasia” is very rare. My brother, my wife and I were present in the room when it happened – our parents wanted us to be there. All our family photographs were around them on the bed, at my mother’s request. They lay on the bed, holding hands. The doctors gave them an injection to go to sleep, and after that the lethal injection. It is very strange and sad to see your parents lying there like that.
I took several photographs. Strangely, at that moment, I acted as the professional that I am, making a composition, checking the light and so on. When I was done I looked at them for some time, kissed them each on the forehead and left the room.
They died like they lived, hand in hand.
Martin Roemers’ CV
Born: Oldehove, Netherlands, 1962
Trained: AKI, Academy of Fine Arts, Enschede, Netherlands
Influences: “Years ago, I was walking through Mumbai and enjoyed the chaos and hustle and bustle in that town – thousands of people who seemed not to be bothered by the noise, exhaust fumes and lack of personal space. I was wondering how to encapsulate all this energy and chaos in a single photograph. That was my first inspiration for Metropolis, my project about the world’s megacities. I can also be inspired by a conversation I have with someone, a book or a photo. My favourite photographer is August Sander, who in the early 20th century made a comprehensive photographic document of German people.”
High point: “Having my work included in collections of museums and institutes around the world. I’m excited to present later this year my new book Homo Mobilis, about the symbiotic relationship between individuals and their vehicles.”
Low point: “I was a photography student when the Berlin Wall fell. I should have dropped everything and headed to Berlin, but I didn’t because of my part-time job. Although I made up for it later, it still frustrates me.”
Top tip: “I see so many young photographers who work on projects about their own identity. We live in extraordinary times: look at the world around you. Experiment and stick to your own ideas.”