You’re bringing your standup show to Australia. Are you looking forward to explaining who Suella Braverman and Priti Patel are to Australians?
I’m slightly horrified by how many people are already aware of Suella Braverman and Priti Patel. I actually wish I’d had to explain more who they were. But I think a lot of that is from seeing people from your ethnic minority rise up the ranks in politics, and feeling politically quite disconnected from them – I think that is broadly relatable. We’ve all been embarrassed by a family member at our wedding. Braverman and Patel are just your uncle throwing up in the punch bowl at the family event.
What is your most controversial pop culture opinion?
My controversial pop culture opinions are actually a matter of record, and they’re the reason I’m not invited to a lot of show business parties any more. They tend to involve fellow British comedians who may or may not have created about a few sitcoms. I tend to run my mouth if I think someone’s being transphobic. I don’t know that that’s a bad thing.
My other controversial opinion is people need to shut the fuck up about the running time of movies when they watch 70-hour television shows. I cannot abide with people complaining about The Brutalist or Killers of the Flower Moon. People have infinite patience for shows but not a two-and-a-half hour movie? “Oh I’ve got things to do” – no, you don’t! No one cares about the fact that you’ve got a bad case of the Wednesdays and you’re broadcasting it on Instagram! You have nothing better to do.
Our critic Brian Logan once described you as “the least Zen man alive”. Is that right?
I actually read that description, and I ran it past my therapist. I said, “This feels more like a review of your work.” She was like, “Listen, I’m telling you what to do. You’re not putting anything into action.” Which was, in fairness, totally correct.
I think it’s probably a hard allegation for me to refute. I will say if you are maintaining a kind of Zen status given the current climate, you’re either a Buddhist monk or you have weapons-grade delusion.
Do Australian audiences behave differently to British audiences?
Australians tend to be slightly more gregarious, but they don’t really heckle. They just feel sorry for you. In England, people don’t feel sorry for you and they will heckle.
The last time I went to Australia, I had done various things in my career that I think homogenised my audience – being on TV talking about my views and beliefs had philosophically narrowed my audience down. I think people who come to see me in Melbourne would get on really well with the people who come to see me in Glasgow. They’re all basically the same type of disgruntled leftist.
In my last show, I said the only variation in my audience is whether they are currently paying for a Guardian subscription, or if they have recently cancelled a Guardian subscription in protest because the paper is insufficiently leftwing.
If you could change the size of any animal to keep as a pet, what would it?
I’d quite like to have a small tiger. Can you also moderate the ferocity of the animal? I would absolutely love that. You sometimes see videos on the internet where a lion is friends with a woman and hugs her and stuff. There are those amazing photos – this interview seems designed to exploit my undiagnosed ADHD, by the way – of Tippi Hedren and Melanie Griffith hanging out with lions in their house.
I will add a caveat – those lions did injure a lot of people.
I don’t have a problem with that! As long as the tiger doesn’t attack me, right? I’d quite like to live under the protection of a tiger.
What has been your most cringeworthy run-in with a celebrity?
This was a long time ago but I was in a bar at the end of the Edinburgh fringe [festival] and my friend said, “Harry Shearer is behind you.” As a Simpsons obsessive and a massive fan of Spinal Tap and Christopher Guest movies, I was like, “Fuck off!” So I turned around and he was right behind me. He looked at me and I just stared at him for probably about 10 seconds and then just turned back around.
I know that that doesn’t sound like a long amount of time, but just imagine someone making eye contact with you for 10 seconds. If you’re reading this, just stare at the mirror for 10 seconds and imagine how it would feel if a total stranger did that to you.
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What book, film or album do you always return to, and why?
At the moment, I’m persistently rereading Doppelganger by Naomi Klein. I’ve got this feeling that she’s asking all of the right questions about why things are getting so out of hand for us as a species. It comforts me to know that there is somebody out there articulating the way a lot of us are feeling.
As for terms of movies – I must have seen Goodfellas maybe three million times. Everyone wants to say their favourite Scorsese movie is Taxi Driver or Raging Bull, but you’re lying! Everyone is lying! Goodfellas is the perfect movie. If you put the TV on and Goodfellas is halfway through, you are going to sleep at fucking 2am.
What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?
Not to shock anybody, but I was a loud, gobby kid who would get into trouble with half the teaching staff, but was indulged by the other half. One of my teachers once told me, “It’s not always worth getting into trouble; you should probably pick your battles.” That’s good advice.
Five years ago I was picking fights with people on Twitter. I now reflect on that and go, “I perhaps did not act on that advice – only some fights are worth fighting.”
What is the weirdest thing you have done for love?
I got in a canoe. That’s not my personality. I know that that doesn’t sound that weird. My partner and her family are much more outdoorsy than me, so I got in a canoe for love. Afterwards, her mother said: “You’re doing your best and we appreciate that.”
If you had to fight a famous person, who would it be, how would you fight them and who would win?
I’d like to rap battle Drake. That guy’s confidence is so low right now, even I could take him down. I can’t even vaguely rap. I just think this is a good time to get him. Come at me, Aubrey!